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Today, I have literally spent the whole day drawing and I'm still not finished and I'm not happy with the results but yanno. I will continue tomorrow and should be done in the following week to upload to dA like I usually do. A lot of things are happening in my life at the moment. I'm getting prepared for exams which I'm not looking forward to. I get really stressed and anxious when it comes to pressured situations.
I'm limited to friends at the moment, I've lost quite a lot of interests for some people in my life who I thought were there for me but in fact could say all kinds of crap about me if they really wanted to. I think at the moment I probably have one true friend and several other people who I talk to but I'm not completely sure where I stand with them. I'm not really bothered any more where I stand with people, they can all f off if they dont like me. But they shouldn't take advantage of me or mimic me to other people as I have witnessed recently.
Very recently I have changed my attitude towards a lot of people, I used to really care about what people thought of me.. deep down I still do but truly I have learnt that not every one is nice or suffers with a mental disorder which makes you worry or stressed out over every little thing, making you feel like crap for everyone to tread on. But yeah... I guess I've wasted most of my time with people who weren't worth it. I'd spent so much of my time helping them when in fact the reality of it, they would dump me with a blink of an eye.
My school had tried to get to the bottom of things with me since a few teachers had noticed how low I had gotten. In art, my personally best subject along with English, both subjects the teachers had pulled me out of lesson and purely asked if I was okay. I don't intentionally want to feel down or whatever because inside I feel great but when I feel great on the inside, my body is different and reacts negatively, especially my facial expressions for some reason. At the moment I feel I have no control over what's going on and it scares me.
There's stuff going on at home with my dad again, he's not the best at the moment and there's some things about him which I found out... not by choice to go for the worst. My dad has always treated me poorly and sometimes it reflects on how I act with other people. I'm just glad I have my mom. My dad.... lets just say doesn't live up to his role and I'd rather not be involved with him. I find it hard to even say 'I love you' to him any more but I'm not going into detail why that is...
School ends soon which I'm very happy about. Four days left to be exact, not including this weekend. Despite the rubbish lessons I have before the holidays, I hope things will get better at school because I really would prefer not to even bother turning up. Once or twice, with my mothers consent, I was allowed to stay off school when I felt so stressed and anxious I couldn't physically talk myself into going to school or even leaving the house. I even got upset when my mom asked to go to school. She's only let me off a few times but I guess that's the only way I'll learn to get on with life no matter how hard it seems, there is probably worse off people and I apologise if I seem selfish or ungrateful for what I have.. its just if things are hard for me and I'm not used to the change it does get to me.
On the upside, Supernatural is amazing and I can't wait for the next episode, apparently Deanmon is coming back and I really hope he is. As tumblr says 'Mark me off as scared and horny' xD joking... but yeah... Deanmon really says how great of an actor Jensen is towards Dean as a character anyway. Also there are rumours going around that destiel may become canon. I really hope so but I'm not particularly bothered if that doesn't happen. I'm sure Jensen would say different but I respect his opinion on Deans sexuality and his views on Castiel and Supernatural as a whole.
Anyways, hope you have a fantastic day/night. Terribly sorry if I put you on a downer. Its just good to update my journals now and again. More to come! hopefully.. hehe~Laurenthebumblebee.
I'm limited to friends at the moment, I've lost quite a lot of interests for some people in my life who I thought were there for me but in fact could say all kinds of crap about me if they really wanted to. I think at the moment I probably have one true friend and several other people who I talk to but I'm not completely sure where I stand with them. I'm not really bothered any more where I stand with people, they can all f off if they dont like me. But they shouldn't take advantage of me or mimic me to other people as I have witnessed recently.
Very recently I have changed my attitude towards a lot of people, I used to really care about what people thought of me.. deep down I still do but truly I have learnt that not every one is nice or suffers with a mental disorder which makes you worry or stressed out over every little thing, making you feel like crap for everyone to tread on. But yeah... I guess I've wasted most of my time with people who weren't worth it. I'd spent so much of my time helping them when in fact the reality of it, they would dump me with a blink of an eye.
My school had tried to get to the bottom of things with me since a few teachers had noticed how low I had gotten. In art, my personally best subject along with English, both subjects the teachers had pulled me out of lesson and purely asked if I was okay. I don't intentionally want to feel down or whatever because inside I feel great but when I feel great on the inside, my body is different and reacts negatively, especially my facial expressions for some reason. At the moment I feel I have no control over what's going on and it scares me.
There's stuff going on at home with my dad again, he's not the best at the moment and there's some things about him which I found out... not by choice to go for the worst. My dad has always treated me poorly and sometimes it reflects on how I act with other people. I'm just glad I have my mom. My dad.... lets just say doesn't live up to his role and I'd rather not be involved with him. I find it hard to even say 'I love you' to him any more but I'm not going into detail why that is...
School ends soon which I'm very happy about. Four days left to be exact, not including this weekend. Despite the rubbish lessons I have before the holidays, I hope things will get better at school because I really would prefer not to even bother turning up. Once or twice, with my mothers consent, I was allowed to stay off school when I felt so stressed and anxious I couldn't physically talk myself into going to school or even leaving the house. I even got upset when my mom asked to go to school. She's only let me off a few times but I guess that's the only way I'll learn to get on with life no matter how hard it seems, there is probably worse off people and I apologise if I seem selfish or ungrateful for what I have.. its just if things are hard for me and I'm not used to the change it does get to me.
On the upside, Supernatural is amazing and I can't wait for the next episode, apparently Deanmon is coming back and I really hope he is. As tumblr says 'Mark me off as scared and horny' xD joking... but yeah... Deanmon really says how great of an actor Jensen is towards Dean as a character anyway. Also there are rumours going around that destiel may become canon. I really hope so but I'm not particularly bothered if that doesn't happen. I'm sure Jensen would say different but I respect his opinion on Deans sexuality and his views on Castiel and Supernatural as a whole.
Anyways, hope you have a fantastic day/night. Terribly sorry if I put you on a downer. Its just good to update my journals now and again. More to come! hopefully.. hehe~Laurenthebumblebee.
Back for a short time!
Helloooo everyone. (Kinda tipsy I apologise), I have been uploading quite a lot the past few days so I shall be trying to upload as much as I can thats decent quality for the next week. Bbut I cant promise Ill be active for long because my mother is still very ill and is requiring treatment for her cancer so I will be looking after her, on top of doing work for school, etc as I have exams coming up. Fun!.. Not really.
I am quite enjoying myself with all the writing and drawing. Its been so long. Its nice to escape from reality for a little while to enjoy a bit of fantasy. If anyone has any requests for fanfics, please comment and suggest any
New year, F*** you 2017....
Hello everyone, as you can probably tell.. I haven't uploaded much the past year (2016). To be completely honest, I may not upload much of this year either. I have many things going on. For example, I recently I found out that my mother has got breast cancer and its kind of dawned on me and I need time away. As for my excuses the past year.. I've been busy with school, working to get what results I need to make my mom proud. The only good thing to come out of 2017 so far, is Sherlock to be honest aha. Can't wait to see the finale tomorrow! :)
I may upload once or twice every few months but that's not a promise. I do check my account every fe
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year! - December entry.
Hello Everyone, I know my uploading has been very slow but I will make it up to all those who read my work and also maybe some art will go up. As it's Christmas, things are busy but I will hopefully finish my current work in order to upload before the holidays end. I wish everyone a happy Christmas if you celebrate to do so and a very great new year. I personally am so looking forward to 2016. Hopefully it will be better than this current year, at the moment it doesn't feel like Christmas but I do love it very much.
I'm hoping to write another Supernatural fanfiction series this year, whether it be soon or in the near future. I have written
Been on Holiday. Ideas are blurred atm.July Entry.
Hey everyone, sorry my uploads have been muted lately, a lot of stuff is going on and my brain is refusing to work with how I used to plan my uploads regularly. Hopefully I'll pick up and upload some stuff for you guys. I'm sorry if you were expecting better things from me but I simply cannot work like I used to.
I've been on Holiday too which is another reason for my lack of work. I had a great time and it was nice to get away from everything. I didn't go far from home but enough to feel fresh and not have to worry about things close to home.
I may postpone one of my fanfics 'Midnight Sky' due to it not going as I planned and I really don'
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