Hello. New start :)

5 min read

Deviation Actions

Laurenthebumblebee's avatar
Published:
1.2K Views
Today, I have literally spent the whole day drawing and I'm still not finished and I'm not happy with the results but yanno. I will continue tomorrow and should be done in the following week to upload to dA like I usually do. A lot of things are happening in my life at the moment. I'm getting prepared for exams which I'm not looking forward to. I get really stressed and anxious when it comes to pressured situations.

I'm limited to friends at the moment, I've lost quite a lot of interests for some people in my life who I thought were there for me but in fact could say all kinds of crap about me if they really wanted to. I think at the moment I probably have one true friend and several other people who I talk to but I'm not completely sure where I stand with them. I'm not really bothered any more where I stand with people, they can all f off if they dont like me. But they shouldn't take advantage of me or mimic me to other people as I have witnessed recently.

Very recently I have changed my attitude towards a lot of people, I used to really care about what people thought of me.. deep down I still do but truly I have learnt that not every one is nice or suffers with a mental disorder which makes you worry or stressed out over every little thing, making you feel like crap for everyone to tread on. But yeah... I guess I've wasted most of my time with people who weren't worth it. I'd spent so much of my time helping them when in fact the reality of it, they would dump me with a blink of an eye.

My school had tried to get to the bottom of things with me since a few teachers had noticed how low I had gotten. In art, my personally best subject along with English, both subjects the teachers had pulled me out of lesson and purely asked if I was okay. I don't intentionally want to feel down or whatever because inside I feel great but when I feel great on the inside, my body is different and reacts negatively, especially my facial expressions for some reason. At the moment I feel I have no control over what's going on and it scares me.

There's stuff going on at home with my dad again, he's not the best at the moment and there's some things about him which I found out... not by choice to go for the worst. My dad has always treated me poorly and sometimes it reflects on how I act with other people. I'm just glad I have my mom. My dad.... lets just say doesn't live up to his role and I'd rather not be involved with him. I find it hard to even say 'I love you' to him any more but I'm not going into detail why that is...

School ends soon which I'm very happy about. Four days left to be exact, not including this weekend. Despite the rubbish lessons I have before the holidays, I hope things will get better at school because I really would prefer not to even bother turning up. Once or twice, with my mothers consent, I was allowed to stay off school when I felt so stressed and anxious I couldn't physically talk myself into going to school or even leaving the house. I even got upset when my mom asked to go to school. She's only let me off a few times but I guess that's the only way I'll learn to get on with life no matter how hard it seems, there is probably worse off people and I apologise if I seem selfish or ungrateful for what I have.. its just if things are hard for me and I'm not used to the change it does get to me.

On the upside, Supernatural is amazing and I can't wait for the next episode, apparently Deanmon is coming back and I really hope he is. As tumblr says 'Mark me off as scared and horny' xD joking... but yeah... Deanmon really says how great of an actor Jensen is towards Dean as a character anyway. Also there are rumours going around that destiel may become canon. I really hope so but I'm not particularly bothered if that doesn't happen. I'm sure Jensen would say different but I respect his opinion on Deans sexuality and his views on Castiel and Supernatural as a whole.

Anyways, hope you have a fantastic day/night. Terribly sorry if I put you on a downer. Its just good to update my journals now and again. More to come! hopefully.. hehe~Laurenthebumblebee.
© 2015 - 2024 Laurenthebumblebee
Comments0
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In